Boys are Gross

Listen.  I wanted boys.  I think they are fun.  And funny...sometimes.  I like the way they play and do life.  Their imaginations are my favorite.  Their energy is contagious (and sometimes exhausting).  I really love my boys. 

It's just that, they are so gross. 

I have a pretty strong stomach.  I mean, I helped pick-out cadavers at the cadaver Costco back in college.  I watched a classmate eat tuna while we taught the muscles on said cadavers to underclassmen.  That, my friends, was a low point.  I've dealt with every possible bodily fluid on my gym floor as a PE teacher.  Note: poop and jump rope don't jive.  I've helped dig a van out of sewer sludge in Mexico - gag reflexes in full force on that one.  I've cleaned cockroach infested fridges and mouse poop covered cabinets (not mine).  Taking all this into account, I was still not prepared for how gross little boys are.  And five years into this boy mom gig, I'm shocked that I can still be surprised by them.  

Hygiene, it turns out, is hard to teach.  

I gave up caring that they both prefer to store their toothbrushes on the bathroom floor.  When they decided to use the toothbrushes to scrub the bathroom before scrubbing their teeth, however, I had to draw the line.  

They are no longer allowed to ask "why?" when I tell them to wash their hands after touching every inch of the toilet, stall, and surrounding area in public bathrooms.  

This week we learned that spitting on our hands to get the dirt off, doesn't count as washing our hands.  

They are still wrestling with the nose picking habit, which is something I could deal with a little better if they didn't feel compelled to put their fingers in their mouths directly after.  

The kicker for me, this week was the big guy picking a scab off the bottom of his foot and then having every intention of eating it.  I think I stopped him from putting it in his mouth...but I am not 100% on that and was too grossed out to verify.  Why?  Why?! would you ever be compelled to put anything you found on the bottom of your foot into YOUR MOUTH???  

And just to keep things real: wiping.  How DO you teach a kid to wipe his behind properly?  Why can't we get it clean, and why does so much itching ensue?  Please, keep your hands OUT of your pants and please NEVER AGAIN let me see you sniff a finger that spent any time IN your pants!  I just can't.....!!!

This is just the hygiene aspect of why boys are gross.  I'm not even going to get started on part II: Poop in Nature.  Spoiler alert: they ate that too.  

So all of you lovelies out there thinking about having kids of your own, consider spending a day or two with me...or at your local zoo.