Skip to main content

Pick Your Battles, Not Your Boogers

 I was going to use this little window of time before bed to do a core workout.  That was around 3:00pm when I was still riding my caffeine high and hadn't just eaten sugar straight from the bag (not literally, but close enough).  Instead, I'm embracing my sedentary self, working toward acquiring Type II diabetes, and resting in the knowledge that my core will still be there and droopy tomorrow.  I'll start that workout first thing in the morning.  Priorities.

Speaking of priorities, our kids are becoming noticeably more feral.  We need to reign things in, but I don't know where to even start.  

Lift the toilet when you pee?  How about just close the door when you pee?  Or at least make it into the house?  Or, if you must pee outside, find somewhere discreet?  Sheesh.  Please, use a tissue instead of your sleeve, or use your sleeve instead of your finger, or at least wash your finger when you're done - with water, not in your m....never mind.  You have a fork, use it instead of your fingers.  Don't slurp.  Close your mouth.  Don't lick your plate.  Don't drink your noodles.  You have a fork!  Gah!

What we lack in manners, we make-up for in physical strength.  They're getting really skilled at push-ups.  That happens when you have to do them every time you toot, burp, make fake bathroom sounds, or talk about bathroom functions at the dinner table.  I'm not sure the strength building is doing anything for our propriety, but their PE teachers will be impressed with their form.  

I prayed for boys.  I should have prayed for some parenting skills to go with that bundle.  I'm about to enlist an etiquette curriculum, but I'm afraid it will expose how bad my own manners are.  And then I'll have to be embarrassed of my past self...even more.  But maybe my future self will thank me and our children's future spouses.  Brownie points for the mother-in-law.  

I should probably go order that curriculum.   

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Advanced Placement

 Not to brag or anything, but I think we are raising some very advanced children.  At two-years-of-age, our girls have already worked out the art of manipulation and deflection.  It's the antithesis of endearing.   They went missing the other day - the girls did.  That's never a good situation.  They were in the house, and I knew they were in the house, but I couldn't see or hear them.  Silence is the loudest alarm system.  Fischer took action and found them both in my bathroom.   "MOM!" I met them in the hall.  Carter was covered in clumps and blobs of hand cream. "Emi did it," was her unsolicited response.   "No," I told her.  "I think you  did it." That night I got ready for bed and pulled out my one "self-care" splurge - my face cream .  It was in my drawer where I always keep it.  The lid was screwed on.  And it was empty, wiped clean.  "EmmmeerrrrrSON!" Guilty.  They were both ...
2 comments
Read more

Little Bit Dicey

 This might be a little controversial.  I try to steer clear of such topics in this space, but it needs to be said.  Take it as you will, but know that it comes from a place of love, concern, and respect.  Here it is: there is a right  way to cut an onion. Now, I'm not saying this to try and get anyone's dander up.  I'm just saying it's a subject that needs to be addressed in kitchens across America.  There may be more than one right way to skin a cat (I can't say I've tested that), but the same does not hold true for onions.  Please, you can teach an old dog new tricks - learn how to properly cut an onion.  It will save you time, frustration, onion tears, and possibly a finger.     Now, since I'm still sitting here on blogspot like it's 2003, I'm not going to post any how-to videos, but I'll do the next best thing.  I'll paste a link right here .    Check it out.  Practice it.  Make it a habit.  T...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Need A Cinderella

 I like to describe our house as very "lived in."  It sounds better than "dirty."  It is dirty.  And messy.  I clean all day long, but you'd never know.  My friend recently told me she hires a house cleaner.  It sounds dreamy, but it wouldn't work for us.  The cleaner would never be able to leave.  She'd never be done.  It's fine.  It's a phase.  Probably.   We were supposed to have guests for dinner the other week.  I know - it's a bold move inviting people over while we are in this stage of life.  Nonetheless, we did.  I was trying to get ahead of the mess while the kids were in bed and cleaned my floors the night before the dinner party.  The day of the dinner, everybody was sick so we had to postpone.   I decided I wasn't going to let a clean floor go to waste.  I was going to enjoy it for at least a weekend.  The challenge, I told myself, was simply to sweep things up after...
1 comment
Read more