Skip to main content

True Confessions

I'm not a huge mask wearer.  Judge or judge not, that's just me being honest.  Luckily, there are very few instances where I am required or feel compelled to put one on.  I swear, there is always a thread or stray hair hanging out in mine.  I should probably wash it.  Anyway, despite my general lack of mask wearing, there are times when it is to my advantage to put one on.  Anybody else feeling that?  

Let me elaborate.  I go to the store now without the twins, so I don't have them pulling on it, spitting up on it, or throwing it on the floor. And I have found that it makes it 100x more convenient to go to the store and slack on basic hygiene.  I mean, nobody can smell if I have brushed my teeth, my facial hair goes virtually unnoticed, and the constant puddle of snot at the tip of my nose this time of year...well, it can drip or dry as it likes.  It's pretty phenomenal.  The only hard part is returning home and trying to convince my husband that, "Yes, my mask is necessary inside the house today. Dude (it's a term of affection - he banned Rosshole when Sawyer was born).  Dude, I've been out today.  The mask is for your protection."  And then I make a day of not caring what's behind the mask.  It saves me like fifteen minutes, at least.  Worth it!  Ross may or may not concur.    

It's not all rainbows and butterflies though.  I was at the store the other day, and my worst mask nightmare came to fruition.  I was in the bulk foods.  People were everywhere.  It all happened so fast.  I didn't know what to do.....  

I sneezed.  

I sneezed inside my mask while grocery shopping.  I couldn't stop it. I couldn't do anything with it.  I just stood there with sneeze covering my covering. I tried to act like it was all perfectly normal and finished my shopping, but I died a little on the inside.  Silver lining - my mask wasn't a plastic face shield.  It was a nice, absorbent cotton.  At that point, I did wash it, by the way.  I'm gross, but spit-up and sneeze are the two deal breakers so far for me.    

Speaking of grocery shopping, we are buying four gallons of milk a week now for our family.  The kids are less than a third of the way grown at best.  Four gallons!  We have to have a second fridge just for our milk consumption.  We need a cow.  Does anybody want to sell us a cow?  Is this something I can set up a GoFund Me for?  Please, send help.  No, forget the help.  Just send milk...      

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Little Bit Dicey

 This might be a little controversial.  I try to steer clear of such topics in this space, but it needs to be said.  Take it as you will, but know that it comes from a place of love, concern, and respect.  Here it is: there is a right  way to cut an onion. Now, I'm not saying this to try and get anyone's dander up.  I'm just saying it's a subject that needs to be addressed in kitchens across America.  There may be more than one right way to skin a cat (I can't say I've tested that), but the same does not hold true for onions.  Please, you can teach an old dog new tricks - learn how to properly cut an onion.  It will save you time, frustration, onion tears, and possibly a finger.     Now, since I'm still sitting here on blogspot like it's 2003, I'm not going to post any how-to videos, but I'll do the next best thing.  I'll paste a link right here .    Check it out.  Practice it.  Make it a habit.  T...
Post a Comment
Read more

Advanced Placement

 Not to brag or anything, but I think we are raising some very advanced children.  At two-years-of-age, our girls have already worked out the art of manipulation and deflection.  It's the antithesis of endearing.   They went missing the other day - the girls did.  That's never a good situation.  They were in the house, and I knew they were in the house, but I couldn't see or hear them.  Silence is the loudest alarm system.  Fischer took action and found them both in my bathroom.   "MOM!" I met them in the hall.  Carter was covered in clumps and blobs of hand cream. "Emi did it," was her unsolicited response.   "No," I told her.  "I think you  did it." That night I got ready for bed and pulled out my one "self-care" splurge - my face cream .  It was in my drawer where I always keep it.  The lid was screwed on.  And it was empty, wiped clean.  "EmmmeerrrrrSON!" Guilty.  They were both ...
2 comments
Read more

Staycation

 We recently had to spend some time at home as a family because: Covid.  I don't hate being stuck at home, but it was not exactly the greatest timing.  When is it a good time to be sick?  There were some things that the kids were especially sad to miss out on, but I made up for it by letting them have cereal for breakfast.  That pretty much heals all wounds in our house.  I guess they are tired of option oatmeal.   Anyway, between that and some extra screen time, we came out smelling like lilies - almost as good as roses.     Looking at the bright side of things, it also saved me from having to see people face to face while my face exploded.  Why, pray tell, am I almost forty with the acne of a fourteen year-old?  I am currently sporting a second chin.  You're welcome for my staying at home.   When I was younger...much younger, somebody said that having skin that tended to be on the oily end of the spectrum woul...
Post a Comment
Read more