Advanced Placement

 Not to brag or anything, but I think we are raising some very advanced children.  At two-years-of-age, our girls have already worked out the art of manipulation and deflection.  It's the antithesis of endearing.  

They went missing the other day - the girls did.  That's never a good situation.  They were in the house, and I knew they were in the house, but I couldn't see or hear them.  Silence is the loudest alarm system.  Fischer took action and found them both in my bathroom.  

"MOM!"

I met them in the hall.  Carter was covered in clumps and blobs of hand cream.

"Emi did it," was her unsolicited response.  

"No," I told her.  "I think you did it."

That night I got ready for bed and pulled out my one "self-care" splurge - my face cream.  It was in my drawer where I always keep it.  The lid was screwed on.  And it was empty, wiped clean. 

"EmmmeerrrrrSON!"

Guilty.  They were both guilty.

I'm not sure who the gang leader is, but I do know who I'm going to have to shake down and who is going to wear her guilt on her sleeve...or neck and face, as the case may be.  

Carter is anything but subtle.  

She isn't subtle, but she knows how to get what she wants.  At a birthday party today, she took full advantage of the snack buffet.  You'd think I didn't feed the girl.  Ever.  When I finally cut her off, she went off to play but circled back when she saw an opening.  She then found a willing adult to feed her more contraband cheese puffs.  When she had her fill of cheese puffs, or the willing adult determined she had her quota, she snatched a bag of crackers.  

Carter, with her pretty blue eyes, took the crackers to her dad and tried to convince him to open them.  Aware of the enormous piece of cake she had recently consumed, he said "no."  Then she came to me - playing the parents....I gave a firm "no," and told her to put them back.  She waddled that way, and we gave ourselves a pat on the back for being consistent parents. 

Exactly two minutes later, Carter came out of the house with an opened bag of crackers and a second bag for "her sister."  Friends, she one upped us.  I did the only thing I could in that situation.  I took both bags away and gave them to someone else's kid.  (He was blonde and cute and looked like he really needed a snack.  What was I supposed to do?)  The girl was not impressed.  Party over.  

We are just two-and-a-half years into being the parents of these hoodlums.  I didn't expect this level of manipulation to take place until the teenage years.  Heaven help us. 

But it sure is hard to stay upset at that face...