Christmas Miracle

 For better or worse, I don't have a lot of pride.  I used to have some, but after the third and fourth child, what little I had vanished.  I'd like to be put together.  I would like my kids to be put together.  I have come to terms with the fact that, 99% of the time, that's not going to happen.  When we leave the house, I consider it a win if everybody has on an appropriate amount of clothing and two shoes that match.  

The first time we visited the orthodontist in preparation for Sawyer's braces, I showed up with four kids in dirty play clothes and one child with mismatched shoes.  It just so happens that the orthodontist's wife is the mom of some of my former students, and she was working that day.  Luckily, I also hadn't brushed anyone's hair before we left the house, so we made quite an impression.  I've been trying to raise the bar ever since, but I seem to keep failing.  The next appointment we came straight from the barn and smelled like it, but our most recent visit is the one I'm not sure I can recover from. 

The problem is, they give us too much time waiting in a room full of assistants and patients.  My kids see people and want to talk.  Making eye contact with them is inviting a conversation.  At our last visit, one of the orthodontal assistants asked Sawyer about Christmas, he answered then continued the conversation by commenting on the nicely decorated tree in the office.  Mind you, all the patients are being treated in the same large open room.  There are no dividing walls or privacy screens, nowhere to hide...should you find yourself wanting to.  The assistant innocently asked, "Have you guys gotten a tree yet?"

To which Sawyer replied, "No, we are going to go up in the woods and cut one down probably."  

"Oh, that sounds like fun, do you usually do that?"

"Yeah, we cut them down or maybe we'll take a .410..."

At which point I tried to re-direct the conversation. "No.  No, thanks, Sawyer.  That's good."  

Too late. 

"...and shoot it down."

My face turned seven shades of red.  I tried to shrink into the bench and hide behind Carter at the same time.  I could feel her eyes on me.  I embarrass smiled into Carter's messy nap hair.

"Oh, that sounds..."

Fischer cut her off, "Yeah, like we did a couple of Christmases ago!"

And I died.  

I gave an embarrassed laugh and said, "Redneck, that sounds so redneck."  What can you do at that point but own it?  

"That's an interesting way of doing it.  I wouldn't have thought of that."  She laughed and quickly walked away.  Hopefully, we are still given a follow up appointment.  We will be arriving in our Sunday attire.  Nobody will be allowed to talk.  

We did get a tree in the woods this year.  We cut it down, for the record.  Our trees tend to lean more toward shabby than chic.  Kind of like our family.  This year's tree is no exception.  It does have limbs on all sides this year, but they are a little sparse.  I asked Fischer to trim the bottom three branches so it would fit in the tree stand, but he mistakenly trimmed the bottom three feet.  All the more room for gifts we told him when he realized his mistake and started to cry.  

The kids decorated the tree with what was left of our Christmas ornaments after last year's tree take down by an angry two-year-old. It doesn't look terrible, and it has only been knocked over once this year.  So far.  We are down five ornaments, but that's also an improvement over last year.  I think it shows our growth as a family.  It can only get better from here.  Right?

Next step, matching shoes and managing the bedhead before leaving the house.  Now that would be a Christmas miracle.