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Fake it Until You Make it

 I heard my husband coming down the hall tonight, so I jumped up from where I was mindlessly browsing my phone, threw my ice cream bowl in the sink and opened the dishwasher.  I didn't want to get busted.  I have an image to keep. He doesn't care if I sit for any period of time and browse on my phone or that I eat ice cream after the kids go to bed.  But if nobody sees me doing it, then the Calories don't really count and neither does the screen time.  So, crisis averted.  Plus, I got the dishes done.  

Am I the only weird one who does this, fakes things?  I'll be working-out in our room doing push-ups or sit-ups (usually, I'm just trying to get warm before freezing my tush off in our bathroom), but if I hear someone coming, I jump up and pretend to be doing something like laundry.  Why?  I have absolutely no idea.  It's okay, I have enough self-confidence to be a nerd alone.  

Let's talk about that cold bathroom for a minute.  I hate using a cold bathroom.  The reality is, I should invest in a space heater, but instead I do push-ups.  Actually, if I had all the money and needed to burn a few bucks, I would buy a seat warmer for my toilet. For real.  If I could choose one superfluous luxury item, forget about the Lexus and the diamonds, I'll take a heated toilet seat.  I'll also be getting a heated bidet for Ross.  He has always wanted one.  He thought he finally hit the jackpot when we bought a hose attachment for our toilet to clean our boys' cloth diapers.  Apparently, toilet water is quite chilly and that didn't pan out the way he had envisioned.  Read: pucker factor.  

So, in short, you will know we have "arrived" if you ever visit us and the toilet situation is warm and inviting.  I'll probably be sitting on my butt until I see you coming, at which time I will pick-up a broom.  And you can rest assured, I only eat small plates of vegetables in public.    


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