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Not My Best Self

I got in a wrestling match with a toilet paper dispenser today.  

I know, I know.  I do more bathroom talk on here than my five-year-old at dinner.  But this blog is called the Not So Adventures, and that's all I've got for you.  Sorry.  Back to my TP story.

I was at church and was running late.  Seats in the sanctuary were quickly filling up, but I needed to...I was overhydrated and my nose was dripping.  You can't sniff your way through a sermon without freaking people out just a little.  So I ran into the bathroom and picked the nearest open stall.  Then my jacket zipper broke.  That has nothing to do with the story.  I just wanted to acknowledge it was a very frustrating period of my day.  My nose started really running, and I was desperate to blow it, so I tried to roll out some toilet paper.  The roll was jammed so tight in the dispenser, I could only turn it a 1/4 turn at a time, and I couldn't locate the end.  I'm turning and turning, thinking very unchurch like words, and my armpits are getting swampy because now I'm frustrated and really late.  I hate being late.  I finally just tore into the middle of the roll and begged some TP to come off.  I got a chunk the size of a quarter.  And then another quarter.  And another.  I briefly considered using a toilet seat cover, but determined that the absorption rate just wasn't there.  Five minutes later, I had enough quarter size chunks of TP to do something with and was finally starting to get the roll to give up its fight.  But then the toilet paper separated into two different layers. You've been there.  You know how frustrating it is.  Pull and the top layer breaks off, pull again, and the bottom layer breaks off.  Gahhhh!  It occurred to me the roll just needed to be taken outside and shot.  Except for the fact that it was stuck and not going anywhere.  I'm not a violent person.  Generally.  But I'd have shot the heck out of that TP roll today.

Then I went into the church sanctuary, sat down and learned about the nature of Jesus who, I bet, wouldn't want to shoot the toilet paper even if he did find it frustrating .  At which point, I felt very sheepish indeed.  But next time, I'm bringing Kleenex.      

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